about Greeks Bad,' Experts Say
NEW YORK(Reuters) - After over twelve years of
intensive study of the entire Greek subset of the United States population, the
Berkely Social Behavior Studies Research Team, led by Andy Cho, concluded decisively
that Greeks do, in fact, suck hard.
The study, which measured subjects against the Universal Suck Quotient
(USQ) consisted of a series of skill tests and a written exam. Such questions
as "Geek rhymes with Greek(!?)" proved to be far too difficult for over
98% of the test takers. In addition, 93% of the tested subjects were found to
have inadequete social skills, often resorting to "Greek dancing."
"These results are preliminary, of course," says Cho, "But I
think that finally we now have some fairly conclusive evidence to something all
of us have known for a long time. It's kind of like proving the laws of physics
or mathematics, which the Chinese did way before the Greeks."
history now suggests that many of the accomplishments associated to the Greek
peoples were in fact first accomplished by the industrious Chinese race.
look at the facts here," says Asian History Professor Johnathan Lau, "The
Chinese built a Great Wall, invented math, the gyro, the wheel, fire, gravity,
and evidence now suggests they invented the entire Milky Way around 6,000,000
B.C. What did the Greeks do? They sat around all day and tried to invent more
outlandish names such as Trichopoulou. I mean, C'MON! You can't even pronounce
that! That has more "ou" sounds than your mother last night!"
"The reason we have come to believe the Greeks have done all those things is
because that traitorous dog Marco Polo sold all our ideas to the Greeks in exchange
for a Greek name. I think it was "Tricholoupougoujouhoufoudouroueoutouwousouxouboucouvousopolis."
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